Well the personal journey has taken a hard turn. I have felt that I should call my brother and speak with him. I have not spoken to him in over 4 years and I don't know that he knows that I moved to TN. Things were left very strained the last time we saw each other. He doesn't like my husband and he blames me for him not being there when our mom died. 2 weeks after my son was born she fell and broke her pelvic bone. She was put in the hospital and because she was bleeding internally they took her off her blood thinning medicine. Which caused a severe stroke and she died hours later. The last I had heard from the doctor was that she was ok so that is what I told my brother that he didn't have to hurry. She died hours later. So because I told him not to hurry he missed a chance to say goodbye.
Since this whole forgiveness thing has been knocking on my door, I have had the feeling that I needed to call him and forgive him for the things that were said and how he made me feel. Problem is that I have not mustered the courage to give him a call. I need to forgive him but he does not have to forgive me and I am afraid of the hurt that might happen if I call him. I have tried for two days and can not gather the courage to give him a call. I want to call but I can't seem to gather enough strength. I just don't want the hurt to continue or get worse.
I have to trust in God that things will go ok - but he does not promise us no pain or suffering - so whatever happens - happens for a greater purpose. I just have to let go. I have a real problem with that.
1 comment:
Sometimes we need a friend there to cushion the landing. It may be hard to do, if you want you can come to my house and we can be there for you so it seems a little less daunting.
The hardest thing is saying "Hi this is Wendy".
Hey we have free long distance too :)
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