Hide & Sleep

I am tired. I get this way sometimes. Where all I want to do is hide and be left alone. I enjoy helping others, I like being the caregiver, I enjoy being needed. I can't seem to help myself though. I am so tired. Tired of always aching because of the fibro. Tired of always having to be on my toes so things get done - at home and at work. Tired of always having to be on guard, always having in my mind that things need to get done. Don't get me wrong I often let things go and don't take care of things in hope that they will miraculously get done by someone else. But they rarely do. I hope that others will care as much as I do but they never do. Things don't get taken care of unless I do something about it. Tired of always being nice, caring and helpful. Tired of just going day after day with things being the same. Tired of the pain, the achiness that the fibro does to me that some days I can hardly move or think straight. So tired. So wanting to give in to something inside of me that just wants to give up and run away. Whether in mind or spirit. I'm not a perfectionist, far from it. But something inside me has to see things get done. Has to take care of it, wants it to be done, over. Part of me hates the part that wants to give in, wants to just stop, wants it to be over. Wanting to hear the trumpets, to see the face of Jesus. To feel comfort in his arms, to feel the love, to feel that everything is done and I can just rest and not be in constant pain, to have that unconditional love. To be enveloped in the warmth, the light of everlasting love. A warmth that makes me not hurt anymore, a love that tells me that I am fine and will never have to worry again. A warmth like the sun - warm, healing, relaxing, restful.