Thursday, September 27, 2007

Season of the Dying Flowers

Driving into work this morning I realized how truly lucky I have been throughout my life. Even in the bad times when I was at my lowest I never broke. I came close many times but I never hit total bottom. I guess I could have. I'm not sure if it was my stubbornness or something else that kept me from totally giving up and existing in an empty shell. I think love from my mom and friends over the years may have helped me through. I am truly blessed and thankful that my spirit was never totally broken.

Having said that, I realized how like flowers we are as human beings. We are so very fragile in both spirit and body. As with a flower, if it is not taken care of; it will slowly die off. People are so like that. Looking into other people's faces as I walk downtown is sad sometimes. The homeless people have such a look of being beaten down and their faces are worn and ragged. Their eyes sometimes have such a lack of hope or faith that it is heart wrenching. Things have beaten against them over time and they have that weathered, broken look; that sense of erosion. At some point they made the decision to stop getting up and decided to stay down. They were broken and they gave up.

I have been to that edge. I have had times when I did not want to get up and fight again. But somehow I did. Whether that fighting spirit in me just wouldn't die or what I'm not sure. Even if I didn't lift myself totally out, I lifted myself up enough so that I saw at least a little glimmer of light. But some people have totally been beat down and have just given up trying to see the light. They are no longer who they used to be - but an empty shell that is just trying to survive.

I realized that this morning. There are so many people that just need to be loved and cared for. Their faces are weathered and their hearts are broken and they are just existing because that is all that they know. It breaks my heart to see someone that once had so much light and hope and spirit to be totally broken and just existing. Where do you start? What do you say? Can it be that easy to just start with a hug and work your way up? How do you help repair years of neglect and damage? How do you help bring someone back to life? How do you help someone that only knows and remembers the pit and doesn't even remember what hope or dreams are like? How is it possible that we as part of the human race have let people get to this point without realizing that things have gotten so bad? Are we partially to blame for letting them get to that point where there is no hope, faith, love or light left in them? How do you counter years and years of neglect? How do you bring Spring into the lives that are so consumed by Winter? How do you bring the flowers back to life so that they bloom again?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ah Hah! Moments

Many people have had Ah Hah! moments. These are moments when mental focus is given and we see our life or the moment in such clarity that we just totally understand what is going on. These are those light bulb over your head moments. I have had several in my life. I believe all prodding me towards a certain path.

My first Ah Hah! moment was when I found out I was pregnant with Patrick. I knew I was pregnant even though every test said that I wasn't. I knew that I wanted to be a mom. It was one of those times that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was meant to be. I had such focus against obstacles that were put in my way. It was me against the world and I knew I was going to win.

The second Ah Hah! moment was when my mom died. She was my whole world, our relationship was so close that it was like losing a part of me when she died. As much as I love her and miss her - I have to say that it was the first step or push as I like to call it to go down the path that was meant for me. I needed to let go and do on my own. I needed to become an adult - even though I missed her terribly.

My third Ah Hah! moment was when I was in a very bad car accident. I came out of it with minor injuries. But when you are hit with a HUGE pick-up truck and it spins you around 180 degrees and you are told "if there had been a passenger in the back seat or in the front passenger seat they would probably have died" you tend to evaluate things in your life. Which is what I did. The wind had been knocked out of me and I was sitting in my car looking in the rear view mirror, because it had been moved so that it faced me. My first thought was that I was going to die - what I was doing was going into shock. I called upon God and asked that I not die. I hadn't talked or thought about God in years. My son was going to turn 3 and I so wanted to be there and see him grow up. I begged God to let me live. After the accident I changed my life completely because I knew that something was missing and I wanted to find it and I knew I had to do something to find what that something was. That led to my fourth Ah Hah! moment. The moment when I dropped to my knees - broken and crying I confessed and totally asked God into my life. Not really knowing what that actually meant.

Major Ah Hah! moments are not always drastic things that happen like a loved one dying or an accident. I think mine were because I am so stubborn and thick headed that God needed to really smack me upside the head. I've had smaller Ah Hah! moments too though. Little epiphanies that just bring the world more into focus. Sometimes if you slow down enough and just listen they will happen. Like getting up early in the morning and watching the sunrise or just on the way home while stuck in a traffic jam. Sometimes they start with slowing down and listening and sometimes they just are so impatient that they pop up when you least expect them.

I think everyone has these moments. The key is to recognize them. Listen to them. They are meant to change your life. Sometimes you have to just take that first step and be brave. Braver than you have ever had to be. Sometimes it's just something that you hold onto until the right moment happens. They are opportunities. A helping hand that appears when you have stumbled. Sometimes you are even that helping hand to someone that has an Ah Hah! moment. And if that is the case then you may be having another Ah Hah! moment yourself and not even know it.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

State v. God

www.offthemark.com
I'm sure everyone at some time in their life has rolled their eyes over something. I tend to do it when I think something is ridiculous. It's a bad habit I have and I have tried to stop. However, the article that is linked here has rekindled my "rolling of the eyes" syndrome.


Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Senator Chambers is suing God because he wants to prove how easy it is to have a frivolous lawsuit. Or so he says. If you read the article you may sense a hidden agenda. In the lawsuit, Chambers says that God has made terrorist threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”


The funny bone in me can't help but wonder a few things. What address did the copy of the lawsuit go to? Did the envelope come back address unknown or undeliverable? If God is subpoenaed is it legal if he swears upon himself? Is the bailiff really going to ask God to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Would God ask Satan to be his attorney, since he is so good at the whole manipulation thing? What courthouse would be able to hold God? What would a jury of his peers look like? Would the judge be jealous because God's robes are brighter? If witnesses are called do they have to go over and touch God and swear that they will tell the truth? What are the damages that the plaintiff is asking for?


Anyway, let's forget about the time and money that is being wasted to prove this point and dig deeper into what this might really be about. Here is a man who is lost. Who does not understand. I see him as a lost soul. Anyone who can just come out and sue God in my opinion needs help. Not only with a psychiatrist but also a spiritualist. He needs to be witnessed to, he needs to be brought in the fold and shown the true power and love of God. He needs to be shown the way.


Let's be honest. This lawsuit isn't about the legal process or lack of, this is about a man who is angry. A man who can't see past his sin, a man with no faith. To me that is worse than any frivolous lawsuit. That is the statement I take away from this article.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

September 11


Michael and I talked with Patrick yesterday about 9/11 and how there is still so much fear regarding this day and how some of his classmates are thinking about this day with fear. The only thing that came to me were words that were not my own. So, the only thing that I could do was to borrow.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)

"You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety... But the eyes of the wicked will fail, and escape will elude them; their hope will become a dying gasp." (Job 11: 18, 20)

But beyond not trying to have fear is to have hope...

"Replace the numbers 9/11 with the message of hope of 3:16" (Max Lucado http://www.maxlucado.com/)

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." (John 3:16-17)

Monday, September 10, 2007

Invisible Faith

In the business world, when you want to work with a client or a contractor, reputation is a key factor on who you choose. You may never have seen this company or person, but you've heard about them. Whether or not they have a good work ethic, how they handle their business, etc... If the information that you've heard about him/her has been favorable and they are highly recommended you will usually make that leap and hire them. It is a common business practice.

On the same note, only personally, if you've heard good things about someones friend or family member, you go into the relationship with a higher expectation that the person is what people say he/she is. In addition, if a meteorologist/weather person says that there is a 90% chance of rain, you can believe that it is going to rain somewhere in the zone that they say it is.

Taking it a step further, when a person breathes or feels a breeze - they don't question that there is air and that it is moving. We take for granted that there are molecules and other microscopic organisms running around us and yet we have never seen these organisms. We also take for granted our history. I have never met Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Ivan the Terrible or Michelangelo - yet I have been taught that they existed. As a reasonable person I am expected to believe that we were on the moon and that nothing happened at Roswell.

It comes down to faith. Who do we believe? Who do we trust? What do we put our faith into? Faith is defined as a confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea or thing. Faith is a belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.

So, why is it so hard for people to have faith in a God that loves us, that created us? Why is it easy to believe that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland but not that a loving God came to earth and died for our sins so that we could be reunited with our Father? Why is it easier to believe that you can do a love spell on a person or that a horoscope says that I am going to be receiving money this week? Why is it so easy to have faith in flawed ideas and people and yet turn away from something that is so perfect and beautiful?

Is it so different to say that I believe that I am breathing a colorless, odorless, gaseous mixture, mainly nitrogen (approx 78%) and oxygen (approx 21%) with lesser amounts of argon, carbon dioxide, neon, helium and other gases than it is to say that I believe in a God that I feel but have never seem? I don't think so. I know each exist because I have faith. I know each exist even if you don't have faith. Proof of existence is not the most reliable way of deeming whether or not you should believe in something. It takes faith.

For those of you who need proof - you believe in the scientists when they describe what is in the air you breathe and yet you do not believe in scholars or other proof that Jesus and God exist. You are lacking in faith. Which in my opinion is a horrible way to live. I encourage you to take that step, research if you have to, but take that step. Even if it's a baby step, it is one step closer to something that is better than air.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Small vs. Mega

January of this year I made a decision to start looking for a new church. I was unhappy with the church that I was going to and felt that I needed something different and more. I had stopped making the effort of getting out of bed and going. But I didn't do much research or make much of an effort. After awhile I felt guilty and I ignored it and just gave in to the "what if I can't find the church that I want". I want - that is funny in its own right. Yes my opinion counts but it is not necessarily where I am most comfortable in being, it is where I can learn the most and be part of something that is bigger than I am. I did some research but I let laziness get the better of me and didn't do anything about my feelings about the church that I was going to. My son, Patrick, stopped wanting to go too after he was baptized. He didn't fit in, he wanted to learn about Jesus and the bible and all they ever ended up doing was talking about football or something else or just playing the games in the teen room. He never felt that he took anything away with him when he left. Which was how I felt as well, but we weren't really sure what to do about it.

The church we were going to is a Mega church. Some people are fine and do well in an environment where there are a lot of people. I find it impersonal and often felt lost. Intimidated as well. It felt so crowded to me. In addition I felt like I was beyond the baby stage of my Christianity. I didn't want to be spoon fed mush I wanted something that had substance. Again, many people are fine with this kind of worship and are at different stages in their walk. For me, I just kept leaving wanting more.

Several things happened at this church that finally moved me so that I knew I could not go back. Not just a difference of opinion or of me being comfortable, but a lack of biblical teaching and a lack of honor and honesty. Thankfully I have good friends who took the search of looking for a new church to heart as well as mind. That brought me to the church that we have been going to since July. This church is small, yet has so much heart. I do not feel lost or like just one of the attendees. I feel like I am home. The Pastor is not a performer trying to tell me about the bible or about God and Jesus. He is living it, studying it, sharing it. It is not just about bringing in new people and getting them saved, it is also about feeding the people that are already there. No one is left behind, no one is expected to just listen. It is not watered down so that you feel comfortable and you get it in small bits. You are held to a higher accountability. "This is the Word, read it, learn it, live it, share it." If you don't understand, then ask - not go research it yourself.

I'm not just in a sea of faces, I have a personal identity again. Meet and greet doesn't scare me like it used to because I am not just standing there in a sea of people that I have never met and may only see every once in awhile if I go down the right hallway - I have been grabbed and hugged and told how wonderful it is to see me. Again, this is me - I like the more personal aspect of church. I also like being able to study and listen and get in depth in the Word. It is not about what other people say about the Word, or what is new and hip in the Word. It is ONLY about the Word, what it says, what it means, how it is relevant to today and to me.

For me I have to say I think Mega churches just try and do too much and forget about the people that they are actually trying to get to. They have such good intentions but I think it is easy to stray from that once you start going mega. Now having said that I'm not sure all mega churches have that problem, and I am sure not all small churches have all the answers either. Some small churches are stagnate and have no growth because they too have lost what they once had. I can only relate my experience and what I have witnessed. I am more comfortable and have a burning desire to learn and be taught more and more. I look forward to Wednesday's and Sunday's like I haven't in years. I am not just a face in the crowd, I am part of something and am "hooked in", like I wasn't before. So for me I will take the smaller church over the mega church for learning and growing and for feeling and being apart of something.