Small vs. Mega

January of this year I made a decision to start looking for a new church. I was unhappy with the church that I was going to and felt that I needed something different and more. I had stopped making the effort of getting out of bed and going. But I didn't do much research or make much of an effort. After awhile I felt guilty and I ignored it and just gave in to the "what if I can't find the church that I want". I want - that is funny in its own right. Yes my opinion counts but it is not necessarily where I am most comfortable in being, it is where I can learn the most and be part of something that is bigger than I am. I did some research but I let laziness get the better of me and didn't do anything about my feelings about the church that I was going to. My son, Patrick, stopped wanting to go too after he was baptized. He didn't fit in, he wanted to learn about Jesus and the bible and all they ever ended up doing was talking about football or something else or just playing the games in the teen room. He never felt that he took anything away with him when he left. Which was how I felt as well, but we weren't really sure what to do about it.

The church we were going to is a Mega church. Some people are fine and do well in an environment where there are a lot of people. I find it impersonal and often felt lost. Intimidated as well. It felt so crowded to me. In addition I felt like I was beyond the baby stage of my Christianity. I didn't want to be spoon fed mush I wanted something that had substance. Again, many people are fine with this kind of worship and are at different stages in their walk. For me, I just kept leaving wanting more.

Several things happened at this church that finally moved me so that I knew I could not go back. Not just a difference of opinion or of me being comfortable, but a lack of biblical teaching and a lack of honor and honesty. Thankfully I have good friends who took the search of looking for a new church to heart as well as mind. That brought me to the church that we have been going to since July. This church is small, yet has so much heart. I do not feel lost or like just one of the attendees. I feel like I am home. The Pastor is not a performer trying to tell me about the bible or about God and Jesus. He is living it, studying it, sharing it. It is not just about bringing in new people and getting them saved, it is also about feeding the people that are already there. No one is left behind, no one is expected to just listen. It is not watered down so that you feel comfortable and you get it in small bits. You are held to a higher accountability. "This is the Word, read it, learn it, live it, share it." If you don't understand, then ask - not go research it yourself.

I'm not just in a sea of faces, I have a personal identity again. Meet and greet doesn't scare me like it used to because I am not just standing there in a sea of people that I have never met and may only see every once in awhile if I go down the right hallway - I have been grabbed and hugged and told how wonderful it is to see me. Again, this is me - I like the more personal aspect of church. I also like being able to study and listen and get in depth in the Word. It is not about what other people say about the Word, or what is new and hip in the Word. It is ONLY about the Word, what it says, what it means, how it is relevant to today and to me.

For me I have to say I think Mega churches just try and do too much and forget about the people that they are actually trying to get to. They have such good intentions but I think it is easy to stray from that once you start going mega. Now having said that I'm not sure all mega churches have that problem, and I am sure not all small churches have all the answers either. Some small churches are stagnate and have no growth because they too have lost what they once had. I can only relate my experience and what I have witnessed. I am more comfortable and have a burning desire to learn and be taught more and more. I look forward to Wednesday's and Sunday's like I haven't in years. I am not just a face in the crowd, I am part of something and am "hooked in", like I wasn't before. So for me I will take the smaller church over the mega church for learning and growing and for feeling and being apart of something.