It amazes me almost on a daily basis how my thoughts can get me in trouble, make me angry or have whatever emotion. Sometimes I over think things, sometimes I just do not think enough. I try to have a happy medium between the 2 but sometimes it seems like such a struggle. Take today for instance. I am happy that Patrick's surgery went well and it is over. At Vanderbilt it is so obvious how very lucky we are. Children are there for days, weeks, months. They have every disease known to man. Some recover and some do not. I am truly blessed that Patrick's surgery went so well and he got to come home the same day. Many parents do not have that and many parents children will never leave that hospital. It saddens me and yet I am so very happy that my child got to come home.
It is all in the perspective. Patrick is used to pain, medicine and hospitals because of the tumor that was removed from his nasal cavity almost 2 years ago. His nurses praised him because he was such a good patient and didn't complain and didn't make a fuss. Of course it is all relative, having had major surgery and being in the hospital for almost a week and being poked and prodded and everything else, this last surgery seemed almost like a piece of cake. So it is all perspective. What do you choose to see and do. Do you choose to milk it for all it's worth or just brave through it until it goes away.
My thoughts and feelings are like that. If I am hurt I tend to get nasty thoughts and so want to vent and just rant and let everyone know that has hurt me that they hurt me. Other times I take it in perspective and am hurt but I can just let it go. Today even though things are good and I am off from work so that I can have a mommy and child day I seem to be hurt and angry. I would like to have the perspective that I am fortunate to be able to take a day off to take care of my child. But thoughts of I wish I could do this all the time come into play. I love to work and I like my job but I would love to be a stay at home mom - it overwhelms me sometimes. Also, I know that I have good friends that care about me and my family, but I have anger at those people that have said they cared for me and yet never call or email. Of course I guess I am not the greatest person either because I don't call and check up on people either unless I have some kind of relationship with them. It's hard for me to make that connection because of all my past baggage - which by now probably would fill up a room. I'm tired of cliques where adults should be. Don't get me wrong I know that adults form little groups with who they are comfortable with but it seems so juvenile when someone doesn't quite fit into a group that they are ignored or just brushed away. I belonged to a small group that had wonderful people who were in charge, they brought us all together and they were the glue. Now that the group has separated it has become cliques and if you are not in a clique you have been left behind. The few that are in a group are there because they have been accepted for whatever reason by that clique, those of us for whatever reason that have been left out are left out for whatever reason. Angry, yes sometimes, don't care - sometimes.
My thoughts are killer sometimes - they get me in trouble and sometimes they are a great asset. Sometimes I wish I could just turn them off.
1 comment:
My beautiful friend, I hope that yesterday was a wonderful day for you. In a way I know that nothing could steal the joy of being with Patrick as he recovered. He is such a trooper.
It makes me sad to know you have felt left out. I hope that in the weeks ahead that as we journey back and forth to Florida to see my parents it will help me put life in to perspective. D
on't let theses moments of hurt and unsertainty weigh so heavily on you that it takes the joy from the wonderful moments God gives you. I know it is corny but I love the days you are off and know exactly what it means to baby your 5 foot4 not so little man. I remember when we worked at penney's and you did the day shift and I did the night shift. I was excited to be a part of the work force making a difference in our family budget. With 4 kids it can be very tight. I also that it made me resent many things. We could no longer go to out of the way garage sales, and goodwill and to lunch. I remeber when you moved here in July of 2003. You came and visited me when Juliana was born, you and your family and a neighbor were the only ones who came by to visit me in the hospital. You stayed as long as you could. When complcations arrived you had to leave and that saddened me because you guys were part of our extended family here. My parents had arrived the day after I came home, and even though they were here you called to ask if we wanted to go blueberry pickiing, I knew you knew the answer prior to calling, and it was simply because I was trying to recover and my mom and dad were here. The caring thoughts of love from you are uncompared. I love that you try so hard to include our family as often as possible. You are a far more faithful friend and I have known that for a while. I hope you know that what ever life throws at us that we can stand firm in the love and belief that sometimes even when we are hurt God will find that hurt and weakness and he will turn it to good. All of my friends are my treasures, for with out them life would be lonely.I wish there were enough room to tell you how very grateful I am that God has allowed you to be my friend, what an honor bestowed upon me and our children. You love them, play with them, and invest in them.
As far as fitting in, the most important thing in life is to be where God wants you to be not where you think you should be. God brought you to Tn for reasons we may never know. I am glad and know it has been a wonderul gift at times and we can raobably be a headaceh wating to happen. You add a wonderful relationship to our lives.
I am so saddned that you feel left out, we do to as well as many others. I can't wait to return from Florida and get back into the swing of life.
We always have a good time when talking, istening, and sometimes just being. I am so glad that you took a huge leap of faith when you jumped out of the comfort of your life in Floirda to be here with us.
I am thankful for what seems like a life long friendship...well it sort of is.
Remember that with God all things are possible. Don't worry about being left out, this little hiatus is only small compared to the totality of life.
We loved what was, wish we could get it back again and when life setttles back down from our trip we will be starting a time of love and fellowship with one another.
Funny all this advice coming from a friend who loves you more than you know, when I too need to be looking in the mirror and see what is holding me back from where and what God wants and needs me to do.
Small group, no group , it all means nothing. There are times you can cry when the world overloads your plate. I know you have people you can call and vent too as well as I do, Thank you for being my friend!
Love has no limits usually.
In the past 4 yrs you have seem me laugh, cry, pray, and be angry to. Maybe being accountable to one another is what we all need. I thank you for your faithfulness as a friend and I that you for the love and compassion into my life.
People say that people are in you life for a season or for a reason, how true it is. Today Miss Wendy, you are a light, and let the love you have for those around you not be hidden. Let it bubble over with the love you have for Jesus. I know George and I are blessed simply by the present you have given us unknowingly. You are a nurturing, loving, devoted friend whom gets overlooked and love us no matter what happens. You forgive easily, I am so thankful for that.
Please be aware of the joy you have in your life and don't let it be stolen from you. God works our lives in many ways and he wouldn't want you to dwell on the hurt, he woulask that you remember the love.
Look at the pot calling the kettle black, hmmm I so need to follow my advice. LOl
May God show you in life who and what friends are there for.
You are a gift from God, and I do love the gifts he gives to our family. Have a wonderful weekend full of rest and relaxation.
You are loved
Love Di
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