Beyond Myself

"The flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh, for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please." (Galatians 5:17 NIV)

This is so true. Especially in me. Daily my flesh has a desire all its own to do what it wants to do. Whether it has to do with anger, pride, selfishness, stubbornness, depression or anything else. This is especially true in times of need or crisis. I can be so in control and have such a christian demeanor then WHAM I get this totally separate personality that is SO not in control. It is a daily struggle. Some days are really good and I thank the Lord for those days. Then some days I can not keep my mouth shut and can not seem to control my whole attitude, brain mass, whatever...

Before I was a christian this was something that was every day. But it didn't bother me and I didn't really care if I went off on people or had an attitude. I was basically unhappy and didn't care if I made other people unhappy or what other people thought. But since becoming a christian, the Spirit convicts me that I am wrong and that I should behave better. Constant struggle. I may want to go ballistic on someone or have road rage or be all fleshy but I can't and I shouldn't. Constant Struggle! I need to honor God and obey the Spirit. CONSTANT STRUGGLE.

Whether it be a bad habit, grumpiness or something else - what does a person do if they are in a constant struggle with their flesh? Well I can only say what I do. I apologize - not only to God for behaving that way but also to the person(s) that I may have spouted off too. I also pray. I don't want to act like that and I know God doesn't want me to act like that so I pray for forgiveness as well as for help in controlling my mouth, temper or overall brain. A lot has to do with self-control and sometimes I have none and sometimes I ignore it and let it go. Again I say constant struggle. Especially for me. I have to remind myself daily (and sometimes multiple times a day) that even though I am strong willed and may even be in the right, that does not give me the right to act that way. Excuses or no excuses - I have to look beyond myself and reach out to the Spirit and let it take over. Otherwise I would and could do some real damage. It's not just about knowing better or taking the high road, it's about doing what I know I should and what God expects of me as his child. I may have the right to go off on tangents and express my anger but that does not mean that I should. At every moment I need to act like the child that I know I should be, that God wants me to be. Not only as an example but as part of the being saved (and knowing better) group.

Constant Struggle!

Gate Awareness

Yesterday, in Sunday School class we were finishing our section on the Sermon on the Mount. We ended with discussion of contrasts and false prophets from Matthew 7. Most people have heard portions of this sermon. Usually “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it..." is what seems to be quoted a lot.

Ok, so the gist of this is that you need to go through the narrow gate. Ahh, but few are actually going to go through the narrow gate. Which I'm sure many people will be very upset about. This of course leads to the false prophet portion. Many preachers are out there and are talking about all the fuzzy feelings that you get from the love of God and yet few will actually mention that the only way is through Jesus. Oh they will talk about the ten commandments and they will mention all of the miracles and even the parables. But when it comes down to it they don't mention that narrow gate or the actual path that needs to be taken. Why? Because they want you to come back. It's a business and you can't scare off your customers.

The funny thing is that they (the preachers) may not even know that they are false prophets. Which of course sounds very strong. But that is what they are. "...You will know them by their fruits..." This doesn't mean - is the church that they are at a big church? and do they have many members? This means - is there conversion going on, are they helping others because they should or because it looks good for their church, do they follow the true path?. I can think of several churches and several radio churches that fall into the latter. Of course there are people that attend these churches that are true Christians and are helping because it is what they should do. Even a tree that is dying can still have some good fruit. That of course is because the Lord chooses to use them even in that atmosphere. But what about the whole? Sooner or later that tree is going to die. Hopefully the seeds that bear the good fruit have left and started a new tree, otherwise they will die along with the other tree. Which is very sad.

How few is few? A small number, a limited number of people. Ok. But how do you get to be in that few? How do you truly know that you are in that few? Self-awareness. Self-examination. Go through your thoughts, your feelings, your heart. You must give yourself totally, heart and soul to the Lord. You must believe that not only did he exist, not only did he do miracles, but he died for you to live. All of his pain and suffering is because of you, because he loves you. If you are truly changed after giving yourself to him and you truly love him with all of your heart and soul. Then you are considered in the few. But if you think you are in control, and that your way is better or that you are not a sinner then you are walking a very wide path. I think it has to be wide because of all of the ego's that travel down it. I traveled it. Everyone has or is traveling it.

What gate are you going to go through?

Gobble Gobble

Well, everything turned out great. I was so relieved. The turkey wasn't dried out, but I think I could have used more seasonings. I went light since it was my first time brining - so next time I know to bump it up a bit.

Turkey Day

For the first time ever I will be cooking a turkey. Usually we have chicken or ham. Michael likes ham and Patrick & I like chicken so we switch each year. This year we have company, my friend Cheryl and her daughter Katie. They came to live with us at the end of September. We compromised since our Thanksgiving traditions are very different. So this year we are having turkey. Now since I have never cooked a turkey and have heard that they are fickle creatures, I did some research. So not only am I cooking a turkey for the first time but I am also proud to say that I am brining it as well, which incidentally I have never done before either.

Which is why last night I mentioned to Michael that maybe we should take out the hamburger meat that we have in the freezer as a back up. You know that saying of "if it can go wrong it probably will." I have high hopes though. I am excited to be doing something that I have never done before as well as having more people for Thanksgiving. I am excited this year to be sharing Thanksgiving with family and friends. Of course I may have thought of something less complicated.

Who new that you have to brine the meat for about an hour for each pound? I am doing a combination of some brine recipes that I found on the internet. Water, kosher salt, sugar, bay leaves, thyme, garlic and pepper. Well it's a good thing that I did research. Because according to the experts (Martha Stewart and Alton Brown - brining is the only way to go and once you do it you will always want to do it that way). So - I am going to brine the turkey for 11 hours, then it has to be rinsed off, then it has to sit in the fridge for about 5 hours so that it soaks up all the juices and the skin will come out crispy after it is cooked. THEN it is going to be baked for 3 1/2 hours. Of course that doesn't take into account the chocolate pie, walnut pumpkin pie, carrot pudding, lima beans, corn, rolls, stuffing and gravy that needs to be made. Compromise - who knew it could be so busy.

Well, this year we have so much to be thankful for, including the food that will be on our table. So I guess all of the work is worth it. It's a shame that it goes so quickly though. Well, here's hoping that I know what I am doing and that it all turns out good. I'll let you know after dinner tonight.

All who are weary

As I was driving home last night I was thinking about Thanksgiving and thinking about what we needed when I drove by a homeless man on the side of the road. He was just sitting there near the underpass with a grocery cart full of this belongings. As I passed, even in that short time span, I felt time stop and I could see every detail of his face and his belongings. He was an older man with very soft, yet sad eyes. I instantly felt somber and thought, even if I do not have a traditional Thanksgiving, this man may not even have a place to sleep or food to eat. Even though I just passed him on the street instantly I kept thinking about him all the way home and into the evening. I could see his face and it just burned inside of me that I needed to do something.

We live in a society that has such wealth and excess, that it is sometimes hard to fathom that there are people out there that have nothing but what they have on or what they can carry. Even though I have been to points in my life where I was afraid that I would not have enough food to eat or a place to live - I was fortunate enough to never end up on the street. This man, these people were not as fortunate. We live in a country where on each corner is a McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, etc... and yet we have people that are starving. We have houses being built all around, new development everywhere and yet we have people that are homeless. We have numerous churches in every town, city and state and yet there are people out there that feel so helpless and worthless that are ignored, abused because they are less fortunate than we ware. It truly saddens me to think that this Thanksgiving and Christmas that there are people out there that have so little to be thankful for. Not just this time of year but all year round.

It saddens me that even with the auctions, collections, donations, that there are still people out there that will do without. The need is so much greater than the response. The pain, the suffering seems out of control. People are being displaced due to natural disasters, lay-offs, overall money problems, health issues. Why does it seem so hopeless, that things are just not getting better? I want to help them all, each one on the side of the road that wanders in search of food, shelter and some compassion and hope. I want to be able to save them all and yet I know that I can't.

But I know who can and I do have hope. My only recourse is to go and look, learn and take to heart what I read.

Matthew 9:35-37 (New King James Version)
Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few.

1 Corinthians 15:56-58 (New King James Version)
The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

Galatians 6:8-10 (New King James Version)

For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Gone with the Wind

I love old movies. On any given Saturday I so could waste the whole day by watching the Turner Classic Movie channel. I love the dialogue, the costumes, the acting. One of my favorite movies was on the other night, Gone with the Wind. It has so many good lines, beautiful costumes, etc.. Not only can it be used as a partial history piece, but it has so many complex characters that you could discuss their flaws and attributes forever. The more you watch it the more you notice. Depending on where you are in life the different aspects mean more to you than others.

I watched the entire movie the other night. The uncut version that has the intermission and orchestra portions. Such a classic movie. So many parts of the movie deal with life today even though it is set in civil war times. This time around I focused more on Scarlett and why she does what she does throughout the whole movie. This time I saw her more as someone who was not just a selfish "man"ipulator, but someone who was moved to do whatever she had to do to survive at whatever cost. I explained to Michael that in the beginning of the story she is only about 16-17 years of age when the war starts. Even at that age, when she has not experienced true hardship, she is so selfish in her reasoning and that continues throughout the whole movie.

But this time I saw something a little different. After she leaves Atlanta and is struggling to make it to Tara. She is starving, her family is starving, her mother (her advocate) has died - you can almost justify the things that she does. She never wants her or her family to starve or be poor ever again and the murder and manipulation that she does in the middle of the movie is to that end. She wants to go back to being safe, to not have that unsurety about her life or her future.

I never identified that character to myself until the other day. No, I'm not going to go out and use and manipulate people to get what I think my family or myself need, but I identify with the loss, the need. Need not want. Food, medicine, shelter, money, security. In the past there have been times in my life I have not had any of these things and you do what you have to do so that your loved ones do have these things. Going back some years there were times when I did what I had to do so that there was enough food in the house for Patrick to eat for the rest of the week until I got paid. As an adult or even as the head of the household you just learn to do without for the sake of the people that you love that have the greater need.

Of course Scarlett was not beneath manipulating for what she wanted, but she never would just come right out and ask for help. Situations throughout the movie would have been so different if she had just asked for help. Again, I identify with her. I find it very difficult to ask or accept help. It's a pride thing. We all know it. But I also think it is more complicated than that. It is pride that we are in a situation that we need to ask for help but it's also shame that we were not able to fix the situation ourselves. That is one of the first rules of adulthood - your an adult now, you need to take care of things yourself. Don't parents say "I'm not always going to be around so you need to be more responsible, take care of this." Also, I think as a society we tend to look down on those that may ask for help. It's OK for me to offer to help or to give to charity, but DON'T ask me personally for help, which is why I think most people cross the street when they see a homeless person. Of course asking for help or charity means that you were not able to do or to fix what needed to be fixed and we are a society of self-help zombies anyway.

So, where am I going with all of this? Don't know. What I do know is that it's not just about a movie, it's about watching people become who they are because of circumstances that have happened in their life. Scarlett shows what can happen if we take the low road. But what happens if that is the only road open to you at the time? Can it honestly be the ONLY road open? Or is it the only road that you see? Are some of us meant to follow that road until we can turn off?

Again, don't know. I think it becomes a personal journey that any given person has to make on their own. It has a lot to do with personal experience and a persons faith to decide which road to take and what decisions to make while on that road. Even though those old movies are sometimes in black and white - not all decisions are. The only thing you can say is that once the decision is made, you can't take it back - it's Gone with the Wind. Which is why the title means much more than just a way of life going away.

Happy Birthday Mr. Graham

If you were to ask anyone if they had heard the name Billy Graham, I would say that almost 95% would say yes and even more would recognize him as being "a preacher". To say that this man has made a mark on history and the world is an understatement. His biography is a list of who's who. The U.S. Postal Service has said that Billy Graham is one of the few Americans, along with the President, who will be delivered mail that simply reads his name and the country.

So what has kept him in the spotlight for almost 60 years? I think it is his faith and his burning desire to share the gospel. But not just that. He seems to be an average man, humble, honorable, consistent, faithful, strong. I have watched him several times on television when he has spoken (I have not had the privilege to hear him speak in person) and each time he strikes me as a most amazing man. Even through the tv I can feel the compassion, the calling. I hear in his voice such conviction, such warmth, such surety that coming and confessing my sins and opening my heart is the right thing and the only thing that I need to do.

He exudes charisma yet can not be characterized as a tv preacher. Even in the circles that he walks he still feels for the lowly, the people that other people forget about and that no-one needs to stay lost. When you hear him speak you feel like you can see the glory of God, you feel the love that only our Father and Saviour can give us. For all that and more, God will truly say "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Thank you Lord for showing your shining light through a man that reaches the lost, a man that has shown people your glory and your forgiveness. Happy Birthday Mr. Graham. May God bless you as you have blessed others.

My Fault, Your Fault or a TN Fault Lines

Awhile ago I found an interesting website that shows where recent seismic activity has occurred. In addition to where a seismic activity has occurred, the site also shows where fault lines are located. A fault is a line of fracture in the rocks where the two sides move by each other, where the rocks have broken. The rocks on one side of the fault have moved passed the rocks on the other side . So, when a sudden movement or a release of energy occurs an earthquake can happen because these faults move.

You probably know where I am going with this. People are like fault lines. Sometimes, when something is broken or is rubbed the wrong way we have our own fault lines. Whether or not they are small and do minor damage or they are big and create disasters depends on the person and the situation. Like earthquakes they can build up and then BOOM all you can do is get to the nearest safe place and hunker down until it is over and pray that there wasn't to much damage.

Yesterday, my fault line exploded into a massive earthquake that could only be described as an 8.0 on the Richter Scale. This means that it "can cause serious damage in areas several hundred miles across." Which in layman's terms means that it equaled 1 gigaton of TNT going off.

I totally lost it. Like most seismic activity it was something that had been building up and instead of trying to find away to release the pressure that was building, I ignored the signs and went on with my life. Bad, bad idea. I can smile now even though I really shouldn't. By going off on my own personal earthquake I acted so unchristian and totally monstrous that it's going to take a long time to pick up the pieces and clean up the mess. Looking back I don't think I remember a time when I was totally as ugly as I was yesterday. My insides must have been totally black and tar like. By spewing all of that toxic waste out of my system I spread the goo to my family and covered them totally. It was one of those things that can't just be covered over and forgotten, it was one of those things that only a good cleansing could take care of.

A total cleansing like only Jesus can give me. By crying out to Jesus for help and by reaching out and accepting his hand I can receive forgiveness. By accepting his outstretched arms I can receive comfort even though I do not deserve it. Only by his love and forgiveness can I go to my family and ask for forgiveness and be able to move forward with the hope and knowledge that I can prevent more pressure from building and exploding. Only with his love can I say that it was totally my fault and ask for help in handling the next build up of bad energy so that any pressure will be released and not cause any more destruction. Only God, Only Jesus. As in Third Day's song "... there is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing. He'll meet you wherever you are, Cry out to Jesus, Cry Out to Jesus."