I Remember Momma

"I Remember Mama" is one of my favorite movies. It is about a family in early San Francisco. The story is told by the oldest daughter - in trying to write a great story she finally writes about her mom.

In my journals I often wrote about my mom. Through the years I wrote about our fights, our misunderstandings, our joys, our disappointments, our sorrows and our time together. One of my favorite memories is when I was sick she would always let me lay my head in her lap and she would stroke my hair - I did that even into my 20s. I have a lot of good memories and I wrote about some of them a few posts ago. But unfortunately sometimes the bad memories overshadow the good ones. When I became a Christian I asked for forgiveness and know I have been forgiven. More often than not, knowing that I am forgiven eases the memories, sometimes though I still feel bad and guilty. I never asked forgiveness from my mom, she died before I could ask or even show her that all her love and hard work was worth it. I know she loved me and I know that she knew I loved her but I did not make it easy on her. I was rude, disrespectful and hateful sometimes. I disappointed her many times and blamed her for it. I lied to her often and cursed at her. I did things that were horrendous, that I have only told to God. Each time I knew I was wrong and each time I could see her face and knew that I had hurt her, yet I couldn't stop myself sometimes. She died 2 weeks after my son was born. Sometimes I think that she wanted to leave - I was beginning my own family and was taking on the mom role - I didn't need her anymore, so she left. I know that is selfish and it does not work that way. Sometimes guilt makes you think weird.

Mother's Day is tomorrow. I miss her, I love her and most of all I wish I could have told her all of that and more. I would ask for forgiveness and show her every day that I was the daughter that she deserved and wanted. That I have become the mom I am today because of her.

The song "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera totally says what I want to say.

"...would you tell me I was wrong, would you help me understand, are you lookin down upon me, are you proud of who I am, there's nothing I wouldn't do, to have just one more chance, to look into your eyes, and see you looking back. I'm sorry for, blaming you, for everything, I just couldn't do, and I've hurt myself by hurting you."

The goal of this post is to tell, remind everyone that your mom, your family is precious and you need to tell them that you love them, that they mean something to you and if needed ask for forgiveness before it is to late. You may never get that chance again and if that happens it will mean an ache in your heart that may never go away. Love, mercy & compassion are gifts from the Lord. As our Father he shows them to us every day, as his children we need to pass them on to others. These gifts are for sharing. I think that is the best present any mother could receive tomorrow.