Lack of Control

I have such a lack of control on my life that I am seriously losing my mind. I have No control at work, no control at home, NO control whatsoever. Nothing I do matters at all - it all comes down to someone elses whim or decision. Can I do what I want - no, I have to ask permission from everyone.

I am becoming such a control freak because I have no control, I want control over even the littlest of things.

Do other people have these problems? I don't think so - everyone else seems to have some kind of control and can make their own decisions. Not me - I am so FRUSTRATED!!!!!

Being a Parent

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. Page 229

When I first became a parent I used to lie in bed at night and imagine the most horrible succession of maladies: the bite of a jellyfish, the taste of a poisonous berry, the smile of a dangerous stranger, the dive into a shallow pool. There are so many ways a child can be harmed that it seems nearly impossible one person alone could succeed at keeping him safe. As my children got older, the hazards only changed: inhaling glue, playing with matches, small pink pills sold behind the bleachers of the middle school. You can stay up all night and still not count all the ways to lose the people you love.

It seems to me, now that this is more than just a hypothetical, that a parent falls one of two ways when told a child has a fatal disease. Either you dissolve into a puddle, or you take the blow on the cheek and force yourself to lift your face again for more. In this, we probably look a lot like patients.

Even though Patrick's illness is not really life threatening I still understand the above. We have a dr. appt Monday to listen again to the fact that his tumor is back. Once again we will have to deal with surgeries and all that goes with it. I wonder like most parents if there is something that I could have done differently. I want to dissolve into a puddle, but I stick my chin out and ask for more. What else can I do?

Lost

I am in a place that I have no idea where I am or how I got here. All I know is that I don't like it. I don't like the way I feel, I don't like anything about this place. It's dark and ugly and I feel terrible. It's not like a pit, I've been in one of those before. I can always seem to climb out of those. This is different. This is like being totally isolated, totally on an island. I think this is what it must be like for prisoners that are in solitary. Not that I'm alone, I know I'm not. But I feel like such a disappointment, such a let down in every way. I feel as far away as possible. I have knowledge, I have awareness, but not closeness.

I have gone so far away, I have slowly walked in a total opposite direction without really knowing that I was doing that. I'm here and am not quite sure how I got here or why. I remember the path and I remember walking but it all seems like a dream. Why would I follow this path, did I know I was following this path? Had I known I would get this lost? Would I have tried to stop myself? Why was I not paying attention? Where exactly was my mind? My heart?

How do I get back? How do I become that prodigal that returns? How and where do I find the strength to do that? Lost, how do you find you way home? Can you even get home? How to begin, where to start? Fallen, how to you get back on? Can you get back on track once you've been lost? Is it to late?

The Climb

If I had known that I would need mountain climbing gear in this life I would have gone shopping! Of course I also think it is important what is on the other side but this song really sums up my feelings right now.

Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna to wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Decline of the Human Race

The world, morals, everything is just decaying right in front of our eyes. It really is quite sad.

Iowa Supreme Court Upholds Gay Marriage
Iowa Becomes Third State To Legalize Marriage Of Same-Sex Couples
AMY LORENTZEN, Associated Press Writer
POSTED: 12:19 pm CDT April 2, 2009
UPDATED: 9:18 am CDT April 3, 2009

DES MOINES, Iowa -- The Iowa Supreme Court said on Friday that the state's same-sex marriage ban violates the constitutional rights of gay and lesbian couples, making it the third state where gay marriage is legal.
In a unanimous ruling issued Friday, the court upheld a 2007 Polk County District Court judge's ruling that the law violated the state constitution.
The case stems from a 2005 lawsuit filed by Lambda Legal, a New York-based gay rights organization. The group filed a lawsuit on behalf of six gay and lesbian Iowa couples who were denied marriage licenses.
The suit named then-Polk County recorder and registrar Timothy Brien.
The Polk County attorney's office claimed that Hanson's ruling violated the separation of powers and the issue should be left to the Legislature.

http://www.wsmv.com/politics/19077238/detail.html?treets=nash&tid=2656696678813&tml=nash_natlbreak&tmi=nash_natlbreak_1_09170104032009&ts=H

Oy!!!!

"Gloom, despair and agony on me-e!
Deep dark depression, excessive misery-y!
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!
Gloom, despair and agony on me-e-e!"

Listening Skills are Priceless

Associated Press
Let’s talk: Wife handcuff’s herself to husband
Cops say she attempted to reconcile with him, and allegedly bit him, too
FAIRFIELD, Conn. - Police in Connecticut say a woman attempting to reconcile with her husband handcuffed herself to him as he slept and then bit him on his torso and arms.

Police say 37-year-old Helen Sun told them she wanted to have a conversation with husband Robert Drawbough without him leaving. Police say she changed the locks on their bedroom and handcuffed herself to Drawbough while he was sleeping Monday.

Drawbough used a cell phone to call police. Officers heard his screams when they arrived at the couple's Fairfield home. He was treated at a local hospital.

Police charged Sun with third-degree assault, disorderly conduct, reckless endangerment and unlawful restraint. She was due in Bridgeport Superior Court on Tuesday.

Lesson

I'm all for lessons. When it is someone else that is learning the lesson. Me, not so much. Of course some lessons are fun and enjoyable and quick. I like those lessons. Unfortunately, I don't get those very often. Mainly because I am thick headed and stubborn. If you repeat that I will deny it.

Anyway, lessons. And of course the people that are brought into your life to help you learn those lessons. You know those people that are thrown into your path because well they have to be so that you will learn your lesson. Sometimes you may not even know that is why they were in your life even after they are gone. I can think of a few in my past that were in my life and after they were gone it was so blatantly obvious that they were one of those lesson people that it just hurt when I smacked my head with the epiphany.

Then of course there are those people that are in your life and all of a sudden a great big light goes off and you realize that the reason that they are annoying you is because they are in the process of being used as one of those lessons. You like this person, but OY are they really going out of their way to just rub stuff in your face and be annoying.

I think the answer is yes because you weren't paying attention in the first place and God had to up the anty so to speak.

All I have to say is I really wish I would pay more attention to what I am supposed to learn and just learn it all ready.

Save The Date

Save the Date!

Earth Hour: Nashville is a Flagship City
Sat, Mar 28. Earth Hour. 8:30 pm. Turn off your lights and come downtown to celebrate Earth Hour.

http://www.earthhourus.org/nashville/nashville.php

Rain Rain Go Away! - Oh, Winter too please

I want you to look at this forecast. Really look at it. Can you see the wrongness?!!! It is not supposed to be sunny until next Wednesday!! That is 7 days from now! It is supposed to be cloudy and rainy until next Wednesday!!! I really am beginning to dislike that stupid groundhog!

Bureaucracy At It's Best

For all the good intentions in the world - here is our government at work. To help keep our children safe a law was passed that anything that children under 12 use must be tested for lead. Makes sense, right? Especially with the toys coming from China with such high levels of lead.

But, what about books? Please watch the video link that is below. I especially like the end of the story where it mentions that the CPA won't send a letter saying that libraries are exempt.

http://www.wsmv.com/video/18791952/

http://www.cpsc.gov/

Things I would like to do before I die

A REVISED list of things that I would like to do before I die:

1. Travel: Scotland, Russia, Italy, Grand Canyon, Mexico, Japan, China, Egypt, Hawaii.

2. Ride on a motorcycle.

3. Ride in a hot air balloon.

4. Have one of my photo's published - where I actually get credit.

5. Win a cooking/baking contest.

6. Go back to school.

7. Own a house with a large garden and a sewing room (or in my case a yarn room).

8. Drive Route 66

9. Have a yearly subscription to the Symphony.

10. See the Marlins in a World Series game.

The New Year

Here I sit on my porch this morning. The sun is out and is warm on my face. There is a slight cool breeze. I'm not sure of the temperature since our barometer broke, but it feels nice. My wind chimes are tingling and bonging in the breeze. My cats are surrounding me on the porch. They are just looking around and enjoying the free outside (we call it cat TV).

I start back at work tomorrow and all of the stresses and pressures and responsibilities will begin again once that alarm goes off. And yet, here I am sitting. The birds are chirping in the background and I can hear the traffic over on Nissan Drive. I can hear all the hustle and bustle but I'm not part of it. I feel kind of detached from the world, as if I'm not part of it. I've got a little patch of warmth and a wonderful back seat to the world right now. His world. All of it belongs to Him. It's slow and quiet enough for me to feel that strongly right now. Kind of makes me never want to leave my porch.

Of course if you were here right now you would be philosophical too. There is just something about the morning light and warmth and sereneness that just opens my soul and sends it soaring like a bird.

From where I'm sitting the new year looks nice.