Fear

Yesterday, at church our pastor spoke about Hebrews 13:5-8.

Within that sermon he mentioned how one of the biggest reasons that we do not share our faith is because we are afraid. Afraid of what people might say or what they might think of us. Fear, it stops us from doing SO many things. I know a lot about fear. If I examine it I am afraid of an awful lot of things. One of my biggest fears is that I will lose my family. I think since I do not have any relatives of my own, having lost most of them due to one reason or another, that losing someone that I do have is fearful to me. I am afraid to lose friends and get jealous if they spend more time with other people because I have a sense that I might lose them. I am afraid of losing my son because I have based most of my life on him and our bond goes very deep, and he is the reason for most of my decisions.

Another fear is of losing anything personal, because I have lost so many things in the past that were valuable to me. Yet another fear is when I drive. I have had so many car accidents that it is a surprise to me that I even get in my truck. I have learned to control this one, most of the time, due to necessity. However, every once in awhile I get that adrenaline of fear as I am cruising down the road.

I wouldn’t say that I am crippled by these fears, but I guess that I am. I try not to let them get the better of me, but I guess that even the smallest of these fears is one to many. It is partially a control issue; partially a trust issue and I guess mainly a lack of faith.

That brings me back to church. Pastor mentioned lack of faith. That we don’t trust the Lord enough to let go, we want to be in control and think that we can do it better or have a better plan. As If! I mean I know this, I KNOW that there is NO way that my plan is better and yet I am a persistent little thing. Don’t get me wrong I am not a quivering mass and have come a long way on my path and with my walk. BUT, I know I could do better. I could let go. To be honest I have over the years gradually. I think mainly because I knew I had no choice in the matter. I have been on the floor and have just turned things over to God, knowing that I just could not do it. I don’t think I do this enough though. Thus the whole having fear thing.

Going back to sharing faith, I do have fear there. I work in a government office and have often listened to conversations about many things that are contrary to my faith as well as criticisms of faith based people or opinions. I don’t participate in those conversations, mainly because I want to avoid certain situations and arguments. Fear, path of lest resistance, same thing.

“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?”

The pastor made several slap in the head points, also known as light bulb moments. Unless you know God, TRULY know him, at the end of days he will say to you "I knew ye not". Fear or excuses will not bring "job well done". But what can man do to me? Is it worth it? A resounding YES. No matter the outcome of facing my fear, on not giving in to it, I will live with Christ as he is always with and in me. That help is there to help me face my fears. That help is there for everyone, that hope, that trust is offered to everyone. I just need to step forward and receive it.

Pass the Cake

One of my favorite Christmas cartoons is Frosty the Snowman. Every time he comes to life he says Happy Birthday. It reminds me each time I hear it about how joyful it is to be re-born.

I was re-born 9 years ago today. I was totally broken. I had hit my bottom. I got on my knees beside my bed and cried uncontrollably. I spoke out loud and confessed my sins and said that I could not live this life or go on without help. I finally asked the Lord to forgive me. It still amazes how instantly I felt better. I had a calmness that I had never felt before.

It has not been an easy 9 years. Not at all. But, my faith has kept me out and through difficult situations. I have made my share (and more) of mistakes and have stumbled in my walk. Yet, there have been times in the last 9 years where I have felt such an overwhelming presence, so close to me, that my heart and soul could only be described as overflowing. I know more and am more a child of God than I was in the beginning. I’m not quite the baby in Christ I was, but I am not fully the woman that I think I should be. I know God is working on me and the journey at the very least will be interesting.

So I am proud to say that I am 9 years old today and I have received the best present that anyone could ever want or need. So pass the cake.

Invisible Faith

In the business world, when you want to work with a client or a contractor, reputation is a key factor on who you choose. You may never have seen this company or person, but you've heard about them. Whether or not they have a good work ethic, how they handle their business, etc... If the information that you've heard about him/her has been favorable and they are highly recommended you will usually make that leap and hire them. It is a common business practice.

On the same note, only personally, if you've heard good things about someones friend or family member, you go into the relationship with a higher expectation that the person is what people say he/she is. In addition, if a meteorologist/weather person says that there is a 90% chance of rain, you can believe that it is going to rain somewhere in the zone that they say it is.

Taking it a step further, when a person breathes or feels a breeze - they don't question that there is air and that it is moving. We take for granted that there are molecules and other microscopic organisms running around us and yet we have never seen these organisms. We also take for granted our history. I have never met Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Ivan the Terrible or Michelangelo - yet I have been taught that they existed. As a reasonable person I am expected to believe that we were on the moon and that nothing happened at Roswell.

It comes down to faith. Who do we believe? Who do we trust? What do we put our faith into? Faith is defined as a confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea or thing. Faith is a belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.

So, why is it so hard for people to have faith in a God that loves us, that created us? Why is it easy to believe that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland but not that a loving God came to earth and died for our sins so that we could be reunited with our Father? Why is it easier to believe that you can do a love spell on a person or that a horoscope says that I am going to be receiving money this week? Why is it so easy to have faith in flawed ideas and people and yet turn away from something that is so perfect and beautiful?

Is it so different to say that I believe that I am breathing a colorless, odorless, gaseous mixture, mainly nitrogen (approx 78%) and oxygen (approx 21%) with lesser amounts of argon, carbon dioxide, neon, helium and other gases than it is to say that I believe in a God that I feel but have never seem? I don't think so. I know each exist because I have faith. I know each exist even if you don't have faith. Proof of existence is not the most reliable way of deeming whether or not you should believe in something. It takes faith.

For those of you who need proof - you believe in the scientists when they describe what is in the air you breathe and yet you do not believe in scholars or other proof that Jesus and God exist. You are lacking in faith. Which in my opinion is a horrible way to live. I encourage you to take that step, research if you have to, but take that step. Even if it's a baby step, it is one step closer to something that is better than air.