Letting Go

I know that sometimes you just have to let go. I also know that sometimes that is easier said than done. I also know that I was so not ready to let go.

What am I talking about you ask...

Well, my son, my only child, the little boy that I love so much has been on vacation in Florida. In the beginning it was only going to be for a week. That week went by and they asked if he could stay for a couple more days. A couple more days turned into a week. They asked again if he could stay a couple more days until after the 4th. Now it is another week. So in all he will be gone 3 weeks.

Ok, now I understand that I am being emotional and I understand that I need to get over it. I am also willing to say that I might be overreacting. But I know how I feel.

I know he is having fun and this is his first time away from home for more than 3 days. I want him to have a good time and I am even enjoying having time without him.

So what's my problem? Deep down I knew this was one of those moments that were life changing. I knew that this was going to be a transition from the little boy to the full fledged teenager/man. I think I figured that a week wouldn't really bring on a big transition. However 3 weeks is a different story.

There are moments in everyones life where there are changes and you can maybe pinpoint when certain things have changed in yourself or in others. One of mine was when I went to visit my brother in Pittsburgh when I was 14. This trip is one for Patrick. I know when he comes back he will be Patrick but I really think he will be different, more grown up.

Not that it is a bad thing - I just wish I knew this was going to be that transition time. I just was not ready. I just wish I had more time to prepare, to get used to the idea. I think it is mostly that I feel that I will have lost part of him. This is his step to grow up and become a man and I have to accept it and I will in the long run. But it is sad to me that this is one of those steps that he has to take and is taking it without me, yet I know it has to be taken.

But I am still sad. Despite the fact that I know it has to happen. I guess it's a mom thing.